In Light of Penn State

I have been absolutely irate, disgusted and nauseated over the news coming out of Penn State regarding the molestation of children.  I felt the same way a few years ago when similar stories were reported coming out of Catholic parishes.  The fact that these children were maliciously violated is sickening in and of itself.  The revelation that other adults knew about it, even witnessed it, is what sends most sane, caring people into a stratospheric rage. We cannot always be with our kids.  We can’t.  Especially as they get older, they need to stretch their wings, be on their own, and start acquiring experiences independent of us, their parents.  Of course we would never knowingly place them in a harmful situation.  Beyond that, we would HOPE that if they were to be in a dangerous place, for whatever reason, that any adult witnessing the danger would STEP IN AND HELP our child.  This is the aspect of the Penn State case that has gotten so many of us so incredibly incensed. A child was being attacked, someone saw the crime in progress, and chose leave the child alone so that the attacker could continue to torture this child.  I remember having a similar reaction when I read about a young boy who briefly managed to escape Jeffery Dahmer by running outside.  A kind, good, woman called the police to report a boy, naked and bleeding in the street.  The cops came and handed the kid, who was drugged, back to Dahmer! The kid was further tortured and then murdered.  I remember feeling much the same way reading that story as I did reading the Penn State story.  You mean you saw the kid, you could have saved him and you placed him back in that hands of that savage to be further tortured? There isn’t an expletive invented that sufficiently expresses how I feel about people who sadistically use a child to provide themselves pleasure nor the people who assist them in doing so. 

Years ago, way before I had kids of my own, I volunteered at a center which aided and supported survivors of sexual assault.  The group’s work was really threefold.  We would be called out to hospitals to provide immediate support, information as assistance to people who had been sexually assaulted and had gone to the hospital for treatment.  We also provided information and assistance to the survivors’ family or friends if they were there, giving them advice on how they can best support the survivor.  Secondly, the group provided legal assistance to those choosing to prosecute a sexual assault.  Finally, the group also went into schools to give children information regarding “safe and unsafe touches”.  In the advent of what is coming to light at Penn State, I want to strongly encourage CPS to implement such a program within it’s schools. The organization I was with used a national program when we went into the schools and it varied by age group.  We used roll playing on every grade level depicting a child in a situation that was making them feel uncomfortable and how to handle it.  We talked about the types of things people say or do to “trick” you into thinking they are safe people. We discussed the importance of telling someone you trust, and to keep telling people until someone believe you, if you ever feel unsafe or threatened by anyone. We also gave kids practical self-defense techniques that they could use if they felt they needed to.

The thing I want parents and CPS to know is that almost every time we gave a presentation to a classroom, a child would either pop up out of their seat and say “Hey, that’s happened to me” or approach us afterward and say, “I think I need to tell someone something.”  Molestation of children is not contained to Penn State, or to the Catholic Church or to some fringe sect living in the mountains.  It happens, a lot, and most kids keep quiet about it.  Throughout my years of splitting pitchers of beer with friends, I on several occasions listened, as a friend would tell me how he or she was molested as a child. It was always someone they knew and no, they did not tell their parents.  I also have a couple of friends whose children disclosed abuse to them after they had reached adulthood, years after the abuse had occurred. At the time of the abuse, the kids felt guilty and ashamed and wanted to protect their parents from having to deal with the abuser, someone the family knew.  When it comes to being sexual abused, a child is statistically safer with a stranger then they are with someone they know. Since we as parents place our children with people we know and trust, shouldn’t our children be given some information and some techniques to use to defend themselves in case those individuals trusted to care for them, turn out instead to be villains?

Just this month my fifth grade son had a gentleman from the Robert Crown Center come to his class and talk to the kids about maturation…the sex ed talk.  He described how kids bodies will change as they go through puberty, about eggs and sperm, periods and wet dreams.  Was it at times, somewhat difficult and uncomfortable for a group of kids to hear?  Sure, but that didn’t stop CPS from hosting this presentation.  I am saying adopt that same attitude regarding teaching our kids how to recognize an unsafe situation and what to do if they find themselves in one, because as has been so horrifically demonstrated, you cannot count on a good Samaritan to rescue a child even in the midst of an attack. Is it uncomfortable to talk a group of kids about a coach, or uncle or neighbor who is showing you porn, touching you in a way that makes you feel like vomiting or threatening to harm your family if you tell anyone what he has been doing?  Yes. Absolutely it is uncomfortable.  I guarantee you it does not feel as “uncomfortable” as a child who is being molested.  If a school system can take an hour or hour and a half out of a school year to orchestrate a lecture regarding sex education, they can certainly spare the same amount of time to provide kids with information that may help in successfully thwarting the intentions of a child predator.

In addition to this talk given to the students, I think CPS could host lectures for parents regarding how we can talk to our kids about keeping safe, how to look for signs of possible abuse, and how to best care for our kids should the unthinkable happen and they disclose to us that they have been violated.  

As of today, the mayor and CPS are proposing that a couple of hundred hours be added to the school year next year.  Can just two or three of those hours be devoted to this issue?  Tons of money is allocated for Safe Passage.  Could this program such as the one I am proposing be funded using that pot of money?  I bet many state universities are scrambling to assure parents and donating alumnae that “What happened at Penn State doesn’t happen here.”.  CPS could take advantage of universities eager to be perceived as the good guys and develop partnerships with them regarding funding a “safe and unsafe” type presentation in the public schools. Drives me nuts even thinking that funding could be a road block to keeping our kids safe from pedophiles but I’ve been around the block often enough to know that most issues come back to money. Last year CPS employed whiplash type speed in launching Breakfast In the Classroom in an effort to prevent children from being hungry. How about that same speed being used to give kids a fighting chance against being raped?

We cannot always be with our children. We cannot identify by sight, monsters that prey on children.  We cannot even count on adults to come to the rescue of our children, even if a child blatantly, unequivocally and undeniably needs it.  We need to equip our kids with the information and skills needed to prevent, defend or report an attack. There may be several agencies that can provide this type of program to schools.  The one I know is ICASA, the Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault. No doubt they are not CPS vendors, but could we get the paperwork started on that?